Attack of the Adam!

Hey y’all, it’s me Adam. I’ve hi-jacked Janie’s blog for the day, and I can write whatever I want to (at least until Janie finds out and deletes it). Anyways, here’s a funny story for you all to enjoy…

A couple of weeks ago, Janie and I headed out to Wal-Mart to buy some junk, and for some reason I thought it would be fun if we took the 2 dogs along for the ride. We weren’t going to be in the store long, and the weather was nice, so why not? After we got to the store, found our junk, paid for it, and were on the way home I was really hungry so we got a couple of sub sandwiches from Publix. We also needed to get some gas for our awesome purple mini-van so we stopped at the gas station, but when Janie went to swipe her bank card at the pump it said she needed to see the attendant inside.

I sat in the van eating my sub while Janie went inside, and Biscuit drug his broke-legged self up into the driver’s seat so he could stick his head out the window and watch Janie walk into the store. A few minutes later she came back out and said that the store’s ATM system was down and they were only taking cash, which we hardly ever have, so Janie wrestled Biscuit for the front seat, got back in the car, and drove off.

Suddenly, we hear a woman’s voice from somewhere behind us yell out, “Hey lady! Hey lady! Stop!” followed by a loud thunk sound.

Janie stops the car, looks at me, looks back behind us and quickly realizes she left the gas pump stuck in the van and drove off with it in there, thus the thunk sound and the screaming lady. We back up and while Janie gets out to put the pump back and close the gas tank, the gap-toothed screaming lady says something to us about forgetting to put the pump back, which we obviously had figured out by then, and Janie and I nod our heads and mumble something back until she finally shuts up.

So there we were, our purple mini-van full of Wal-Mart junk, Janie fumbling with the pump on the ground, me with my mouth full of lunchmeat and bread mumbling to the screaming gap-toothed lady, and our 2 dogs hopping all around trying to figure out what all the excitement was about. It was all a bit surreal, and as Janie wrestled with Biscuit in the front seat again, she looked at him and said, “Biscuit, we are pushing too many Red-Neck buttons right now!”

Though it’s sad to say, she was right. We were guilty of committing several key Red-Neck mistakes, but at least we had an equal share in our Red-Neck ethnicity. The fast food and the dogs were my fault, while Janie gets all the credit for the gas pump, and the mini-van and the trip to Wal-Mart was the doing of both of us. That’s a total of 4 Red-Neck faux pas committed in the space of less than an hour, which definitely qualified us for the upper eschelons of Red-Neck-hood that afternoon.

Now every time we find ourselves doing something Red-Neck like, one of us will say, “Hey, we’re pushing a Red-Neck button!” and we try to scale it back before we end up toothless in a trailer park somewhere.